Ne Geschichte für Englisch

  • huhu, ich wusst nich genau, wo das jetzt genau reinpasst, deswegen mach ich mal nen neuen Thread auf.


    Also für Englisch mussten wir sone Geschichte über einen Sklaven schreiben, der ausbricht. Und joa, ich hab den text geschrieben und wollt ma fragen ob sich den einer von euch ma kurz durchlesen und verbessern könnte. Wär ganz lieb ;D



    How Charles Ball escaped


    It was one of special hot summer nights, when he first thought of it. Since then he planed it carefully and conscientious. There wasn’t any calm minute, all the time he thought of it, of the escape from the cotton plantation, his escape into liberty. Then the night was there, this night he wanted to escape. He recapitulated his plan again and again, before he got up from his scratchy straw mat. He crept away, nobody would see him when he’s very quiet. But suddenly a dog began to bark. This damn pooch … He ran aweigh, ran farther on through the wide cotton plantations and suddenly he saw wide land in front of him, only the moon shines on the land. Nowhere a wall. But behind him the dog was still running, so he continues running, farther on until the bark stopped. Tired he stand still. He enjoyed the silence. In front of him the sun rise up. Now he felt something, a nice feeling. It was the feeling of freedom. Finally he was free…


    Ich hab mir den Text zuerst auf Deutsch vorgeschrieben... also das da oben sollte so in etwa das da heißen:
    Es war eine von diesen unendlich warmen Sommernächten, als er das erste mal daran dachte. Seitdem plante er alles gewissenhaft und gründlich. Es gab keine ruhig Minute, ständig musste er daran denken, an seine Flucht von der Baumwollplantage, seine Flucht in die Freiheit. Dann war die Nacht endlich gekommen, heute wollte er flüchten. Er ging alles noch einmal ganz genau durch, bevor er von seiner kratzigen Strohmatte aufstand. Er schlich sich weg, niemand würde ihn sehn, wenn er ganz leise ist. Doch plötzlich fing ein Hund an zu bellen. Dieser verdammte Köter... Er rannte los, rannte immer weiter durch die weiten Baumwollfelder und plötzlich sah er weites Land vor sich, nur beschienen vom hell leuchtenden Mond. Nirgends war eine Mauer zu sehen. Aber hinter ihm lief immer noch der Hund, also rannte er weiter, immer weiter bis das bellen aufgehört hatte. Erschöpft blieb er stehen. Er genoss die Stille. Vor ihm ging schon die Sonne auf. Nur fühlte er etwas, ein schönes Gefühl. Es war das Gefühl von Freiheit. Endlich war er frei...

  • editiert von Schwarze Robe

    Du hast die Zeiten etwas durcheinandr gebracht, auch im Deutschen. Am Anfang ist es Präetritum, dann ein bisschen Präsens. Der kursiv geschriebene Satz ist auf jeden Fall von den Zeiten her falsch, weiß aber nicht, wie das lauten müsste.

    Ich würde dir empfehlen, Texte von Anfang an auf Englisch zu schreiben. Wenn du sie vorher auf Deutsch aufschreibst, wird der englische Text zu viel Deutsch Schreibweise enthalten.

  • I have gone over a few things which you ought to rethink. Please make sure you use the right tenses in the right places, you have had some problems so far.


    I think it very good that you try using words which are not so common, however you need to be absolutely sure of the meaning and the usage before you can really use them.


    Have another look at the text and I believe it will be quite alright :)




    An alle anderen! Bitte keine Musterlösungen posten, ich denke, dass es im Sinne von Schneetigerle ist wenn sie selbst auf die richtigen Antworten kommt. Musterlösungen anderer werden gelöscht!


    VG


    Robe

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  • Danke erstmal ^^
    Ich hab den Text nochmal durchgesehen und versucht, das rot markierte zu verbessern. Aber an ein paar Stellen wusste ich nicht, wie ich das schreiben oder verbessern soll, die hab ich mal rot gelassen. Ist der Rest denn jetzt so richtig?
    EDIT für Kathi: Ja, die Aufgabe is aus Green Line New 6 xD



    It was one of these special hot summer nights, when he thought of it the first time. Since then he planned it carefully and conscientious. There weren’t calm minutes, all the time he thought of it, of escapingfrom the cotton plantation, his escape into freedom. Then the night was there, this night he wanted to escape. He recapitulated his plan again, before he got up from his scratchy straw mat. He crept away, nobody would see him if he’s very quiet. But suddenly a dog began to bark. This damn pooch … He ran away, ran along through the wide cotton plantations and suddenly he saw wide land in front of him, only the moon shined on the land. Nowhere he could see a wall. But behind him the dog was still running, so he continued running, until the bark stopped. Tired he stood still. He enjoyed the silence. In front of him the sun raised up. Now he felt something, a nice feeling. It was the feeling of freedom. Finally he was free…

  • Zitat von Schneetigerle

    Danke erstmal ^^
    Ich hab den Text nochmal durchgesehen und versucht, das rot markierte zu verbessern. Aber an ein paar Stellen wusste ich nicht, wie ich das schreiben oder verbessern soll, die hab ich mal rot gelassen. Ist der Rest denn jetzt so richtig?
    EDIT für Kathi: Ja, die Aufgabe is aus Green Line New 6 xD



    It was one of these special hot summer nights, when he thought of it the first time. Since then he planned it carefully and conscientious. There weren’t calm minutes, all the time he thought of it, of escapingfrom the cotton plantation, his escape into freedom. Then the night was there, this night he wanted to escape. He recapitulated his plan again, before he got up from his scratchy straw mat. He crept away, nobody would see him if he’s very quiet. But suddenly a dog began to bark. This damn pooch … He ran away, ran along through the wide cotton plantations and suddenly he saw wide land in front of him, only the moon shined on the land. Nowhere he could see a wall. But behind him the dog was still running, so he continued running, until the bark stopped. Tired he stood still. He enjoyed the silence. In front of him the sun raised up. Now he felt something, a nice feeling. It was the feeling of freedom. Finally he was free…


    Now this version is somewhat better than the last one. Still a few mistakes in it, mainly tenses and words. Some of the words are not neccessarily wrong, they are just simply inappropriate. Please work over your story again. Have a look at the tenses and when to use them. This Thread should give you some hints. And then have a look and think wether some of these words are really appropriate. If you don't know the exact meaning, better not use a word.

    [CENTER]America is the only culture that went from barbarianism to decadence without the step of civilisation in between[/CENTER]


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  • Nomma Danke xD
    Also auf ein Drittes... Hatte gestern irgendwie keine Lust, also heute nochmal^^
    Ähm, ich hab ma versucht, die ganzen blauen Sachen zu ersetzen, aber so ganz is mir das nicht gelungen. Aber wenn's ja doch nich wirklich falsch is.. naja. Einen Teil von dem roten hab ich jetzt ganz weggelassen, weil ich nicht wusste, wie's richtig heißt.


    It was one of these hot summer nights, when he thought of it the first time. Since then he planned it carefully and conscientious. There weren’t calm minutes, all the time he thought of it, of escaping from the cotton plantation, his escape into freedom. Then the night was there, this night he wanted to escape. He thought of his plan again, before he got up from his scratchy straw mat. He crept away. But suddenly a dog began to bark. This damn dog … He ran away, ran along through the wide cotton plantations and suddenly he saw land in front of him, only the moon shined on it. Nowhere he could see a wall. But behind him the dog was still running, so he continued running, until the barking stopped. Tired he stood still. He enjoyed the silence. In front of him the sun raised up. Now he felt something, a nice feeling. It was the feeling of freedom. Finally he was free…

  • Well done! This version is a lot better than what you did earlier. However, there are still some small mistakes in your text. There is one which I missed earlier on, I marked it now :)
    I do not like correcting texts that others have to take to school with them, I think it is unfair on others. But I will give you hints!


    1. Think carefully of what tense you need. Perhaps you need to analyse what happened when and then decide.
    2. Start thinking English. Some of your grammar is so clearly German that I know immediately why it is wrong.
    3. Be sure you know all your irregular verbs!


    These three hints are not connected to any one mistake you made. They are connected to all of them.


    Good luck and let me know what the teacher said!


    Zitat von Schneetigerle

    Nomma Danke xD
    It was one of these hot summer nights, when he thought of it the first time. Since then he planned it carefully and conscientious. There weren’t calm minutes, all the time he thought of it, of escaping from the cotton plantation, his escape into freedom. Then the night was there, this night he wanted to escape. He thought of his plan again, before he got up from his scratchy straw mat. He crept away. But suddenly a dog began to bark. This damn dog … He ran away, ran along through the wide cotton plantations and suddenly he saw land in front of him, only the moon shined on it. Nowhere he could see a wall. But behind him the dog was still running, so he continued running, until the barking stopped. Tired he stood still. He enjoyed the silence. In front of him the sun raised up. Now he felt something, a nice feeling. It was the feeling of freedom. Finally he was free…

    [CENTER]America is the only culture that went from barbarianism to decadence without the step of civilisation in between[/CENTER]


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